Marriage 140 – Is This Good For Our Marriage

What are you fighting for?? Stop fighting each other… be for the marriage!

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hey wait this video podcast house isn’t
that amazing the same thing you have to
watch us because I’m ugly alright
alright today 140 140 on the last video
on the foundation of marriage next video
we will go to the intermittent marriage
which we talk about sex the whole time a
bunch of sex and other things um here’s
the other thing the last thing in this
series you have to have in the back your
mind all the time is this good for my
marriage how was this argument better
for our marriage how was it can’t better
for America conflict and these things
can be good for the marriage because
they deepen your relationship they you
guys figure each other out how are you
guys are wired what works you learn
about each other and this is a whole
paradigm shift it really is when you’re
fighting it’s I’m gonna win or she’s
gonna win yeah instead of how was the
marriage gonna win yeah which is the
marriage win oh you know as your mayor
is going to win through this conflict
and there’s compromise sometimes one of
you backs down sometimes the other does
sometimes you find a happy medium and
nobody wins but the marriage wins but
the marriage wins and that’s important
that’s important before you have kids
it’s important when you when you when
you do have kids it’s important when
you’re raising them all of that argument
and stress with children all has to come
down to how does this better our
marriage because if you guys have a
great marriage your kids will also have
a great mayor
because they see what you do you know
you pray and that’s and yes I declare it
yes amen amen
so what does that look like when neither
of you win but the marriage wins I’m
gonna give you I mean this is your topic
so why don’t we give a give an example
okay look like the marriage marriage
wins yeah okay so I’m I work better if I
can think of a conflict and that’s a
really hard conflict to think of so you
just get married and you move into your
parents house because of lack of money
and one person doesn’t want to work
while the other person is working all of
the time
no one’s winning in that situation but
the person that doesn’t want to work and
the person that does want to work gets
bigger and then there’s your parents
that are getting in better because
they’re you’re staying forever but you
know what I mean there’s conflict that
you want to move out so then at that
moment the person that doesn’t want to
get a job well have to go get a job and
then usually if they’re staying at
hostei we’re staying in her house she’ll
have to deal with all of the dynamics of
mom and dad and stepdad so she is losing
so you are both losing but by agreeing
that the marriage is going to win and
moving out of that situation we can
better the marriage right Ron right so
what if he just has to get a job and the
other one has to fight with the parents
for independent independence privacy
yeah so usually usually that’s the case
of when you have external family coming
in and telling you how to be married oh
man that’s between the wall of their mom
yeah but that’s when you kind of both
lose and and we grew up this way that we
would go to Christmas at her house and
then next Christmas we’ve come to my
house and there would be family or
moments and all of that we’re both
losing but we’re trying to have a happy
marriage and so eventually when we moved
away we were like this is the best
Christmas ever we don’t have to go
anywhere so we came back for the
marriage we had to both go to our
families and go we’re done if you want
to come see us on Christmas
come and see us the doors open we love
you we just want to have those great
memories that you created with us as
kids we want to give that to our kids
and we can’t do that if we’re traveling
to both parents house on every holiday
that’s an example of both losing because
you have to have those hard
conversations but the marriage winning
because then you actually get you’re
building a foundation you’re building
traditions with your own family your own
children between the husband and wife
that was good okay the other one is when
you’re both shooting each other with
paintballs and I’m just joking that’s
that’s lesson 300 where violence is the
answer having to sometimes disappoint
other people which can make you feel
like it’s a it’s not much of a loss like
it’s a loss because your ear
disappointing other people whether it’s
family whether it’s other friends
because you’re trying to make the
marriage win and not everybody’s gonna
understand that and that has to be okay
you have to get over that that’s just
the way that it is is this good for my
marriage is going to the bar after work
with the guys is that good for my
marriage especially when they’re hitting
on women and they’re married or when the
women are out getting the pedicure or at
Bunco or if you call in everyone’s
bashing on their husband is that good
for your marriage
and so that moment you then have to
remove yourself from those situations no
dude I can’t go to the bar with you
anymore cuz I’m tardy playing about your
wife all day long
we’re just not good for mine to listen
to it mm-hm and when I found that I’ve
been in those situations I’ve always
done the opposite I’ve always started
praising my wife in those situations and
then hopefully I just want to have them
change their mind of all my wife’s
really not that bad but if you get into
this negative spiral yeah and so that’s
the whole entire thing of having it in
the back of your mind all the time with
all the decisions that you make is this
good for my marriage is am I being
considerate without my spouse being
am I being a servant to my spouse i am i
serving them in the way
benefits the marriage in general we’re
not saying get walked all over because
that’s not war saying sometimes you have
to put your foot down for the sake of
your marriage right which would that
would you leave the best for your match
and that will be a win over all the
little the little things to get there
it’s like fighting the little battles
but you’re not gonna win don’t matter
are little battles that don’t matter
yeah you know you can actually just
logically go do I really care about this
she gets the win is she gonna feel happy
and is that gonna make my marriage happy
fine you win you can hand the win you
can you can lose just to better your
marriage instead of fighting always to
win because you’re always fighting for
the other person to succeed that is this
definitely a match it’s a paradigm shift
no mainly arguments to win I’m arguing
for her to win and she’s arguing for me
too
she’s arguing for me to win and that’s
the best way to reach a compromise and
that’s honestly the best way for your
marriage to succeed because you’re
always fighting for the other person
that win meaning that you’re always
trying to get their point in yeah I’m
trying to understand exactly where
you’re coming from
help me to understand it I said that a
lot I’m like I don’t understand what
you’re saying to me right now this this
is what I’m hearing over and over and
over say that this is what I’m hearing
you say and then you’ll go that’s not
what I mean at all let me reword that
let me try to say that a different way
because I’m trying for the marriage what
I meant person though you know shoot
[Laughter]
argue for your spouse to win and then
you’ll understand their point of view
there is no point of view guns like
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy if
there was amazing to be amazing but you
kind of get the idea of me Wow and she
never understands my point of view so
obviously wouldn’t work okay we are done
with the 100 we’re moving on up to the
200s and we were gonna talk about having
sex and having sex
a regular basis and syncwords because
why not alright good we’ve been on a
date in a while go to get date box calm
which I think they were purchased by
someone else hi freak the name they’re
purchased by someone else but our promo
code still works which is great
it’s a have a marriage 50 for 50% off of
your first date and they have inside
dates and upside things so maybe you do
too and do an inside and an outside date
or just have sex in the backyard alright
we love you guys we will see you next
Monday be sure to message us if you have
any questions yes answer just about
anything and we keep all of the
questions private so even if we can’t
answer the question we will do the
research and find the answer and answer
the question if you don’t want it to be
a topic just let us know but even if it
is a topic we’ll just say hey this one
guy at that one time told me about this
and you’ll be completely opposite the
word of the day alright


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