Marriage 130 Priorities

Your priorities in your marriage, your top priority should be your spouse and then your kids. Having a kid centric home is the worst thing for your marriage. A spouse centric home insures that your kids see your example in how you treat each other.

Hello marriage video 130 and foundational marriage yes and if you notice depending on when your we hit the 200 jet and you notice that we might have missed day wait it is Wednesday we military first Monday well I think this is our second but maybe the reason we missed some of you know our son had broke his leg like did it just if you’re gonna do it this is the way you do it yes cruise so we were kind of in the hospital surgery it was okay now and and that brought us to today’s our this week’s video on priority and we’ve done a video like this before it’s been a couple of years anything you know

I think we entitled it you know screw the kids this is our marriage or your marriage is more important than your kids this is your primary relationship your children are not your primary relationship and if you have this right then raising them becomes a lot easier they actually like your marriage they see how attracted you are to one another especially if you kiss your spouse in front of them when they go yeah so this is a priority not the other priority with your kids they are a priority it’s not there should not hire than this priority well this was probably one of the the biggest ones we had some controversy on because we were like no my kids come first my kids come first my kids come first okay well then what
happens god forbid if you lose a child yeah what happens if you

Wow you’re going straight to death what happens if you know your kids grow up and move away from isn’t that the plan I know we don’t want a 27 year old kid living in the basement no you know we haven’t really had a relationship for the last 27 years so this is not a priority then a lot of times that’s when divorce happens for empty nesters because this relationship has never been a priority it’s always been about the kids and once the kids are gone and it’s not about the key anymore this is just a person here that you’ve been roommates with rather actually having you might be comparing
marriage what there might be other things in it but we also want to put this caveat out here because it scare me because because realize you come first and at one point you know I mean if they are 100 percent coming for the for your spouse all the time every day that’s the problem.

Right I suppose the last four days our priority has been our son and both of us priority son absolutely and for the next few months his his comfort and getting him healthy that’s a priority but if your kids coming you mummy my daddy daddy daddy I wanna suck my own a sucker and you turn away from your spouse or you care more about or I don’t want them to feel bad yeah absolutely there are seasons we’ve we know people that have had children in the hospital for months if not years and that’s the whole entire thing about when this is your primary relationship and then you’re feeling each other’s love tank to a hundred percent over and over again.

When an emergency thing happens then you’re both on the same page yet going yeah not you know someone doesn’t feel left in the dust because mom’s running after child or dad’s running after kid
watching sports doing all of that stuff it’s just oh we’re on the same page because we know when things calm down a little bit more that you know and today is Tim’s birthday but you know what I
mean it’s um oh it’s not like I have said oh my gosh what’s Tim gonna do on his birthday no I’m sorry kid came first and he knows that no kid comes first that’s what it is because he knows that

I value his his attention and his such a law right my birthday’s a national holiday either go out and do something but you know the overall overarching we are we are a family Union as a whole but the thing is is that on a regular basis this relationship is the priority and that’s I keep saying that over and over again because it’s really really important your kids are not the priority if your spouse is the priority to you that mimics through the next generation so therefore like my sons are watching how
I treat my wife yeah so they are gonna treat their wives the same exact way any pray help right and so you know if I jump on it and make out with her in front of them I do that on purpose to grouse them out because that’s what dads do but still it’s just mimicking a healthy marriage yeah I don’t want them
I don’t want their family to be kid centric either because what happens is that you have a concentric family then one spouse gets bitter over the other spouse of not being so kid centric you’re always working and I’m doing all this stuff with the kids yeah Anna and then and then you get resentful and it’s either forgiven or not so you can prevent that entirely by getting on the same page and saying look this is our primary relationship you are my wife

This is the way that it’s biblically supposed to be and we’re supposed to raise these two individuals in the way that they should go and they’re supposed to leave the house marriage is kind of a weird thing in the fact that two strangers then come together they become one they produce offspring and their job then is to push that offspring out into society that’s fully grown adults and they are then supposed to do the same thing we’re not supposed to have this conglomerate of 16 generations living in
the same household especially in America we don’t but that’s the that’s the entire thing is that you’re supposed to raise adults let him go

They’re supposed to find a mate then they’re supposed to raise adults let’s go suit but they are supposed to right kind if you’re not really responsible kind citizen but we also wanted to talk about this is not just with kids because there are a lot of newly married people that together and especially if you’re waiting late later in life to get married all of a sudden now friends may have bent the priority parents friends and parents may have the current priority and now as soon as you said I do as soon as you’ve made that commitment regardless this is your primary relationship and it was difficult because I kind of had to put my foot down on some things this this week because this is the primary
relationship but I can’t I can’t be doing this with my parents can be doing this with family I can’t be doing this with friends this is this is it and and that meat that can be a hard thing especially if you’ve lived for a couple of decades where your parents have been the priority and maybe the parents were
the central focus of and so now the kids are like oh you know I can do anything with my parents or my parents think this or that nope.

Now you have to go to your spouse especially worse than that if your parents and your friends don’t actually support your marriage that is even higher that’s even worse and again you really yeah but if the people that you’ve surrounded with have never had a good marital example they’ve been divorced 16 times and for Kim you know can’t figure it out and that’s but the thing is I’ll just go get another one
those aren’t people that I would suggest you having a lot of time with yeah hang out with them they’re your friends right and I wouldn’t really take marital advice from somebody that’s been divorced forever and their their answer is I’ll just go find another one don’t take marital advice from them but surround yourself in a community and again you can join our private group surround yourself in a private group in our community and ask for help it’s totally okay to ask for help from people that want your marriage to succeed not you know not so much parents that are agree with you yeah right but you know I mean if her parents weren’t for our marriage we wouldn’t have lasted my parents weren’t for our marriage we wouldn’t have lasted and yes there are issues with parents getting involved but you know to me when you have an encouraging family member yeah it’s he’s almost 90 days yeah to where they to
where if a parent goes hey you’ve married the person and this is the person that you’re going to stay.

With the rest of your life because that’s the commitment that you may have fun I will support you right I’m gonna talk bad about them right I will listen to you your friends shouldn’t talk about about your spouse and you shouldn’t join in with the whole bad stuff in conversation you should actually do it
the other way around my husband’s horrible my wife’s great because she did this or my husband’s
great because he did this which the conversation to positivity rather than dwelling on that just understand that this relationship is your priority relationship yeah yeah that’s that’s you know and that Benzes is controversial because and blended families puts in a whole new other dynamic that’s still
your primary really it is hard especially with a mom or a dad that has put the kid as the priority because there’s nobody else because there’s that time usually between there’s worse rate
where you kind of do that yes where give yourself some grace this is a learning time you’re learning each other you’re really trying to make this as a priority but this child has been your priority that is an adjustment don’t expect that to happen overnight it’s okay if it doesn’t but talk to your partner about
that say I really would like you to make you make you a priority we need to be on the same page of parenting but I’m struggling with this that’s okay it shouldn’t be like okay that’s the way it is and I just gotta get over it no take some time to talk about it communicate through it we’re grace and forgiveness coming in on a regular basis and the fact that you know if Tammy had a divorce and we we now have a blended family um there is that time where she was the child was literally the priority
because you’re dealing with other extraneous circumstances and then when we come together then then those circumstances go away and we have to be the primary relationship because again.

It is a good example yeah of what marriage should be to your children well it’s not about that it’s
about we’re now married it’s a different relationship than a parent and child yeah so this again helps you get on the same page and helps prevent a lot of conflicts with where do the kids stand in the marriage it’s you guys than the kids and if you’re Christian God you guys kids mm-hmm

Yep pretty easy all right well we love you guys on much get it out check it out maybe we try to get it in and get it out and get it

Alright you love you guys have a marriage comm check us out on all the social medias and oh and we started a podcast and you can find us on iTunes and have a marriage I will put that in there really close to just being all right love you all right we will see you next Monday bye

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