Marriage 120 – Love! The Process of Marriage
Falling in love with the process of marriage is one of the best marriage tips ever.
Conflict, resolution, understanding value systems, changing value systems and then repeating it all over again.
we run 120 I thought it was Plan C 220 but it’s not Plan C we can’t use them and finally number one number and B plus 120 finally but because we’re still on the foundational thing of marriage we’re not gonna go to class 200 until we are I mean intermediate things of marriage so we are still foundational 100 yeah and we’re doing the Care Bear stare today we both worked out we’re kind of tired so just deal um Wow leg day sucks okay um so what’s 120 so we did talk about the scary question to ask 100 class 100 are the first time that we started doing these this series was do you want to be married that was two weeks ago and then last week we talked about do you know yourself it’s kind of important for you to know yourself because you cannot expect this person next to you that you’ve committed your life with to be to complete you that Jerry Maguire phrase
Is stupid because you are complete in yourself and this is a addition not a completion thing just alright so this is uh the nitty-gritty this would be falling in love with the process of marriage and that’s way different than just falling in love with a person because that’s easy oh yeah very easy to do the process is hard when people say marriage is hard.
This is the process yeah following along finding that right person being attracted to them that’s the easy part yeah I mean sex is easy too it is for me it could be for you let me introduce you to this new blue pill okay what is the process of marriage well you know um you know people say this is this is where I’m gonna go with this and I know you kind of have another standpoint on this but we’re not on this but you
People say hey we’ve made it you know that Shania Twain you know we’ve made it all these years and well does that mean I think you should sing but what it really is though because I do not make it down the aisle
Jamaica marry my mom your mom and then I thought about people that have lost a spouse either early or been married 50 years in lost the spouse they made it yeah they stood the test of time they kept with their vows till death do you part only does that mean you’ve made it and I mean there might sound morbid but that’s really what you have promised to do and that’s literally falling in love
With the process of marriage so to the end it’s not like Oh 20 years we’ve made it no way you’ve made it 20 years yeah but you haven’t unless one of you done areas you know kill your partner you haven’t made I want to finish this marriage thing but marriage isn’t like I’m just gonna hang out with you and tell somebody better comes along I’m not just gonna hit anything else whatever falling in love with the process of marriage is loving arguments because you’ve learned about them more loving conflict loving conflict loving resolution of knowing resolution understanding your partner’s beliefs yes and just love language your beliefs too much I’m not saying you lose it’s just your validation you know your parents
during your birthday had this big party and for my birthday it was happy birthday kind of a different thing you might not yeah and so on birthdays she’s all we’re gonna have a party especially with kids we’re
gonna spend $4,000 and buy blow-up tools and kill ourselves because it means I want to show my kids they’re important and the opposite person yeah son I want to sit you down I love you
Here’s a knife that my grandfather gave me and his grandfather before him gave him no hoopla and I might be mad at that and he might be mad at mine neither one is right around me figuring each other out and that’s what we mean by following a love with the process of marriage figuring out each other’s little quirks and learning how to not necessarily tolerate or live with but it’s really understanding yeah just understanding where their value comes from and where my value comes from it’s really important just like we talked about the whole party thing because that gives her a value that was part of her family value thing and when you come together and mine is completely opposite or your partner’s is completely opposite there is immediate conflict and you might go through several years of those things before you actually figure out the root reason behind you know what is the wave if you give up in a year or two you haven’t figured that out which was part of the whole issue of time a lot of couples newly married couples do not give each other enough time patience and grace and so they we divorced with considerable differences well the difference was because you didn’t give enough time to figure out how those differences help one another and compliment one another
That’s what they’re there for and we’re not saying you know abusive relationships addictions major issues that that a person is bright or nothing that basically we’re doing that like Angie said irreconcilable differences just means that you have not given each other enough time to figure out how your conflict your values can complement one another again rather than always fighting against one another and that’s really the crux of the process of marriage you’re gonna have random arguments that don’t mean anything and all of that but when it comes down to bigger arguments such as birthdays and Christmas and who to spend Christmas with and all of that that really comes down to the core value of a person I have no idea we should be so that is literally the process of marriage so you’re gonna have some conflict and to resolve that conflict you have to go into how does this conflict how do you get value out of this conflict with one another and haven’t had the weird conversation of wow my value and this really comes from how I was raised and how I was grown up and how I view myself doesn’t mean that their value is completely wrong it’s just my value and so giving with us faucets and secure and I’ll point it myself
That’s a insecure one our value system is vastly different than a more mature more mature spouse so she has to have Grace and understanding and you know and and and work out through that just because of my insecurities and you might be switched you might the stronger one has to do with the insecurities of the lesser one in a very mature way yeah meaning she doesn’t give me security she’s not the source of my security but she can help me through my insecurity and that’s a big thing I am a complete person by myself and she is a complete person by yourself and I keep repeating that because it’s really important when you’re working with the process of marriage to understand that you are two separate people coming together you are always two separate people you’re just trying to complement one another and the best way possible and that’s what the process of marriage is about and that’s why there’s conflict and if you don’t ever resolve any of that conflict you never become one because you can’t resolve the conflict without winning and sometimes no one wins and it’s okay this is the marriage yeah it’s the marriage wing so I read this on Facebook earlier and I thought about posting it on our marriage thing I still might I really really liked this because I thought you people are like I you know why should I change for you and the attitude of that’s just how I am take it or leave it is a sign of immaturity as an adult that your responsibility to figure out which of your traits are toxic and are negatively impactful toward other people and the ones you love your spouse and eventually learn how to fix them at some point we all got to start making ourselves
Better individuals if you truly believe you don’t have to change anything about yourself especially coming into marriage even at the very least the worst in you and that people and that people will just have to deal with that I’m sorry but you’re still a child
Wow that really hit home because it doesn’t mean you’re changing your true values it doesn’t mean you’re changing your personality but if you think I can be as mean as I want or as bitching I do I am you put up with me you got take me or leave me hey you married me this way that’s a sign of immaturity and ignorance and ignorance you’re not being considerate and kind it’s not about changing who you are it’s about being more considerate loving kind and trying to identify those toxic and negative behaviors in you so that you can be more loving and your spouse can love you more and people are so fall in love with the process of being married and understand that it is a process it isn’t just a feeling it isn’t a it’s a choice you wake up every day this is the person I marry I love this person and I’m gonna fall in love with the process nothing that we’ve communicated and the first three videos of this has anything to do with how you feel I wonder why because feelings are not facts all right we love you guys having marriage calm and we’ll try to get some more videos up there and you although us that have a marriage on Twitter odd Matt’s coming soon yeah all that kind of fun stuff so we love you guys have a great week and fall in love with the process of marriage all the time yeah oh and have sex