Marriage 110 – Do You Know Yourself?
Do You Know Yourself?
We have talked with a lot of couples and one thing we learned, is that some people do not know how they receive love? This is not your partners fault this is yours, if you don’t know yourself then you can’t be mad at someone how doesn’t know you either.
Transcript of video
Welcome to the foundational marriage class marriage class 110 no I thought it was 102no it’s one thing because if we did 102then it would just if we would never goa nywhere where you got to go up by ten so don’t know how colleges do it I’m just randomly picking numbers and they – you are randomly picking that I think that they do the same thing to be honest with you this is crash 205 seven right there so foundational marriage issues something or other yeah all right yea hall right so we know we’ve reiterated this before we know we’ve said it before we’re reiterating it now because because what we’re doing is we’re making this whole entire series so that if you miss one you can watch one or you can refer to it or if you know someone that’s going through some issues you could say hey you should watch the one ten video one one oh no this is the one we do now I’m
I’m working on okay so we’ve done coaching and we do you know all right stop okay this isn’t that kind of video it goes some better that’s something to be shown on a different website anyway part of this comes up because we’ve been coaching and we’re taking some of the things that we’ve learned through coaching couples of Hait I do you know this this would help your marriage if you knew this about your self and there comes a there comes a point to where you should know yourself and it’s not your your partner’s responsibility to know you so if you really love me you know how to love yeah do you know yourself in do you know how you receive lovin
If you can’t answer those questions it’s not their fault it’s for fun because usually we love the way we want to get love right so and you can have two people constantly feeling like they’re given given I give so yeah never spend one moment with them but if I touch this man it’s the end of the world all right so we are talking about the five love languages and you should know you should just know where you fall on that so laughter so we’re making fun of me because my major love language is physical touch and then it’s words of affirmation then gifts then service or you look at service and physical touch to be the same thing everybody going well but no think of it this way do
I feel more left when my parents my friends my kids and my spouse Pat me on the head know what that’s not love no please the house for me do I look when they vacuum in the house yeah yeah yeah or make dinner for me really run a bath and maybe feel good I know you love itw hen someone comes home with flowers I don’t get sir even a little thing doesn’t have to be expensive to switch Nintendo Wii under you handy Bart I need love this quest know what I’m gonna shut that down okay toilet I’m talking about a candy bar 500 no hey you said yes it’s just neither swindie I will express it the gift is my love for you look and that is a difference between gifts and stuff this could be something just really thoughtful and free and made we’re going on and on interrupting me about console do you ever when they come home and just hang out on the couch with you watching movie together go out to coffee and justs pend some time none of this has to mean a lot of money you know it means I don’t have the money did it none of this costs money but if you would get right if you were a quality time person or your spouse is a quality time person then you quality time is not being on Facebook together it’s actually putting the devices away or texting each other are sitting next to the couch Bonnie yeah yeah yeah and then there’s although I did text Xander last night to be quiet I was in the room I’m staying with my parents right above them and they were talking I’m like I don’t want to get out of better go tell him he’s got his phone be quiet and go to bed hey he’s like it’s Caleb number that’s how you parent today’s alive or the words of affirmation you look so hot today that’s a great job I love this meal this meal is so good I haven’t even made it yet[Laughter]have to mean sex all the time no as he loves it and he said this before I put a timer on my phone come in and touch him whatever I actually touch you know physical touch is such a huge thing we have a friend with a preemie in the int he NICU and skin-to-skin contact that keeps her alive this is an innate physical desire that human beings havef or touch let me throw you a curveball because I know someone else he does who loves physical touch and she actually enrolled in a judo class and she recognizes it she’s like hey my my thing is physical touch instead of my husband having to touch me a lot yeah we then
I wrestle with people and that that fulfills that kind of desire and I’m like wow it’s a healthy way to look at it she’s not turned on by it being thrown down but it’s just she understands that her her being touch edas a way that she copes with the day or that’s her love language and that’s like yeah I feel I feel great when I’m wrestling which is kind of it’s a kind of a different way to think about it yeah all right the anyway honest thing about this is do you know yourself not just your spouse do you have you right do you know you and so you’re gonna have’t o work on some self-reflection and try things out yeah try giving your you know both of you work it out together ry giving gifts to each other and see if that’s a thing try serving one another and seeing if that’s a thing if you can’t figure out not know exactly and so play with it rope each other a whole bunch ago what does that do for you buddy yeah maybe you’ve been the newlywed you’ve had sex constantly if or two years straight yeah it’s kind off fizzling out here not too sure wait a minute this really mean that can happen and there’s also room to change so she wasn’t yeah Tammy was a very words of affirmation and that’s kind of creeping up now and she’s more of acts of service and so that that little communication it’s a really good point a little bit of communication helps me adjust with her yeah Wow okay you’re a great wonderful life wife and now I don’t have to do the dishes see how that works how you want to be loved and then remember that you’re going to love your spouse the way you feel love right so if you’re if you that might be a good way to figure out what you love if you’re constantly groping your spouse guess what they’re more likely physical touch yeah if you’re doing stuff for them I do everything around here for you well are you doing it for you or are you doing it because that’s the way you want to do love yeah so are you constantly thanking your partner’s saying how amazing we are doing support your kids aren’t that’s maybe what you need you know and that’s a good conversation for you books on that okay I received love by physical guys and not all of your physical times yeah I obviously love by physical touch so can you think about touching me a couple times so I received love by quality time can I come home and can we just binge watch a show with you laying on my lap you know it doesn’t really matter and that would I share you’re not on your phone you’re you’re in the moment you’re president and find the way that you can give love to one another that complements one are there just like I said if you’re gonna Netflix and chill then that’s quality time and service our physical touch[Laughter][Music][Laughter]
Think about yourself go for a walk I’m trying to figure yourself out instead of just I don’t know how I receive love it doesn’t make sense to me well then that’s not again let’s study your partner’s problem yours yeah all right next week 120 then nah maybe to 10 may be to 20 but 60 there is no rhyme or reason to that they talk to your college professor there’s no rhyme and reason for that one either they’re just picking numbers out of the back all right wait if you haven’t had a date go to get datebox.com which I think has been purchased by happily doesn’t matter after you pick a product a date go on a date have a box delivered to your house they have multiple things have a marriage 50 it’s a promo code to use for 50% off of your first date it’s not a sex box if you know we should get one of those all right sex box next time all right next Monday Oh baby touch me