Marriage 101 – Do You Want To Be Married
Do you want to be married? This is a scary question to ask but it is good to get on the same page. When all you do is constantly fight (which all marriages seem to go through this.) it is nice to get on the same page. If you two can agree on wanting to be married then at least you are agreeing on something. Remember that marriage is a choice not a “Feeling” so is love for that matter. So the real question is Do You Choose To Be Married To Me, Regardless Of How You Feel?
Do You Want to be Married?
transcript of video
Last week and the week before and the week before we’re having technical difficulties and the week before so we’re not doing like everyone because it sucks and you’re listening to me oh let’s record first and then we’ll post okay yeah so sorry but apparently
nobody’s listening to our videos cuz nobody complained yeah people I mean where’s your label you last week nothing which brings me to a pet peeve of mine with this group with everyone following us you suck no but they know me no I’m joking I’m joking get on it I anyways okay so here’s the thing and I thought about this just the other day we as a society talk about everything I have an addiction of a porn
addiction I drinking marijuana.
Oh yeah totally all these addictions that we’re happy to talk about because that helps us get through that however we don’t talk about
marriage at all I don’t think there’s only I would say a handful of us that do this on a regular basis that we continually talk about marriage it because it’s something that we believe in and it really bothers me in the fact that we tend to get married and then isolate which is the exact opposite that you should be doing yeah you should get married and and an isolate be involved in your community many people that are married as possible because marriage isn’t perfect it’s not going to be perfect you’re going to have struggles and we don’t have anyone to go to because the first thing we do is a big.
we’re in this all alone and together and we enter that’s out which is stupid it’s entirely stupid and we should be really really
honest yeah that marriages aren’t perfect and we struggle and we’re honest when we struggling honestly you should be struck you know honest when you struggle and if this video helps you know that it would help someone else then share it and if you were shared by this video your friends just loved you and they want you to have a successful marriage not that your marriage is unsuccessful because once somebody says hey.
Marriage but why was wrong my marriage anything’s fine maybe nothing maybe you just need to hear this because I think you know because you need to hear it or if you are struggling then just take it Wow somebody wants to invest into my marriage that’s a big problem that we have I would say societally once you get married you isolate and it’s you against the world it’s that’s not the way that marriage is
supposed to be when you got married back in ye ole 1800 it was a whole community event everyone knew you every wasn’t invested in you everyone wanted to make sure that you stayed together that’s the whole point
Yeah I was there well she’s reading Outlander it’s kind of the same but you kind of get the idea that it’s okay to be honest and say that my marriage is struggling yeah because if you’re okay and you’re honest and you say that my marriage is struggling it’ll have somebody else to go Wow somebody else was struggling with this maybe I need some advice maybe I should talk to them maybe I should reach out if you know I it’s kind of like a woman being molested at work and keeping quiet about it and the next woman’s molested at work and they’re making quiet about it
You’re propagating the same stuff and not helping out anyone blame me right was leaning but yeah yeah yeah and so we had a good long conversation and so in the past our videos we kind of try to cover a bunch of things we try to cover sex we try to cover arguments we try to cover chores or you try to cover all of this and all of that but
Wow okay but in that conversation what we realize is whole we’re losing a part of that conversation is that um there are a lot of you that are really really struggling and don’t know how to kind of get out of that struggle and so I really wanted to start off with marriage 101 this is marriage 101 welcome to our class it’s very simple you have one question and one piece of homework take your spouse up and that’s them do you want to be married do you want to marry you can be married a month you could be married 40 years
Do you want to be married? mm-hmm that’s a scary question it’s a huge scary question is a very scary question to ask and this kind of harken back to me when I had a had a real job when I had a real job and I was going through a conflict with my boss he just picked I picked up the phone and he called me I was like Tim do you want to work here yeah and then that was the end of the conflict and so I I think at the very core of whatever’s happening in your marriage that you really have to look at the other person and say do you want to be here and I’m not saying do you feel like you want to be right I’m saying do you want to make the choice to be here yeah and once you’re on the same page of making that same choice yes I would’ve been married and I would have been married to you and it doesn’t matter how I feel yeah then we can go somewhere but if you can’t even get there and I really don’t want you to get divorced at all
right but I really want you both to get on the same page of that I love you I vowed that the rest of my life I’m going to support you and be there for you and be your person whether how I feel if I like it or not that’s what I choose to do every day period love is a choice your marriage is a choice and there’s a choice you have to make every day when is the last time you asked your spouse to be married I want to be married and want to be married to you I may not feel like it all the time like today yeah but
That’s okay that doesn’t you’re not promising I’m going to feel in love with you I’m going to feel like I want to be with you I
want to I’m going to feel like I like you every single day of the rest of our lives I don’t like you right now that’s not what you’re promising no you’re promising that you’re going to wants to be married to you which means if the other spouse says the same thing that
means you that literally means you’re you’re going to do everything you can.
I’m just stay married yep and and that may be a different conversation beyond that certainly time yeah so no one I want to be married and you want to be married to me what happens if they say no I am definitely scared of that right MERS no it’s it’s a general it’s the question is that feeling or is this a choice because marriage is a choice that might prompt of just a lot of other conversation it might prompt them I will I will play worst-case scenario the answer is I don’t want to be married to you guess what I’m sorry you’re gonna go through something really hard but I just save you some time that’s a sucky thing to say but why why would you want to stay married with someone who does not want to be married to you you are never going to have a successful happy marriage because that person doesn’t want to be there
That’s a tough reality but it kind of it no I don’t want to be married I feel like I want to do everything what can I do what can I do what we gonna do keep on a choice to be there it doesn’t matter what I say what about what I do now you can come back around that can
really be a wake-up call for a spouse to go whoa and there could be underlying issues if they’re neglect as their abuse is their verbal or emotional abuse is there yes so the question after that is a what’s going on I don’t wanna be married no why don’t you just yet but we do have a lot more stuff to go on with that but there may be a break and then a coming back around people then remarried after years who knows but start with that and see where you are honestly but you both on the same page at least if you love the parish we love marriage and we don’t want you anyone to get into whoever but that’s the thing I could say I don’t want to be married to you but I choose
to love you and I choose to be with you what I’m communicating is right now I don’t feel like I want to be married and feeling is a feeling but I choose to be here because there’s some times I feel hungry after dinner I don’t feel hungry anymore does that interpret the rest of my thought I feel that one moment no but I choose you so take this conversation very very carefully if you’re arguing
think about it before you throw that out don’t bring up the question if you’re arguing in the middle of an argument do you want to be married right now no no
Yeah really hard question really hard homework it should prompt a lot of good conversation and or bring things out of the dark that you had no idea no I don’t want to be married and the reason why is because you have a pornography picture no I don’t want to be married because you are an alcoholic you’ll at least know the crux and the issue of your marriage what the problem is and then we’ll dive more into that you can build on the foundation so foundationally a good strong marriage you both want to be there forever and it’s a choice and it’s not a feeling yeah yeah all right look we just made it five seconds out of ten okay